


The day you left

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Akaashi Keiji-centric, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Boys In Love, Confessions, Falling In Love, Hurt, I'm Sorry, Love, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Please Don't Hate Me, Please Don't Kill Me, Sorry Not Sorry, Unrequited Love, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26362321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Bokuto was his home, his world, why did his world have to crumble underneath his feet. He didn't have anyone to hold onto anymore, he was on his own all over again.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Kudos: 16





	The day you left

The cherry trees were starting to bloom. It was warm outside, the weather was perfect. The sun was shining and the world seemed to be at peace. The school year was finally ending. Everyone would now be able to get a well deserved break after a hard year of work.

The tears streaming down Akaashi's face were telling a completely different story. He promised himself he wouldn't cry, or at least he thought he'd be able to come home before completely breaking down. That didn't happen. He wasn't able to hold back his tears as the captain and ace of Fukurodani's volleyball team was saying his last goodbyes to the club. He wasn't able to hold back since he knew that from this day on Bokuto would no longer be by his side.

He couldn't stand the thought of being left alone by his best friend. He hated the small age gap between the two of them. Why weren't they the same age? Why does life have to be so unfair? Why do these things only happen to him, Akaashi thought.

His mind was spiraling. He couldn't stand seeing Bokuto graduating from their school. He didn't want to be left alone by everyone again. Bokuto was his home, his world, why did his world have to crumble underneath his feet. He didn't have anyone to hold onto anymore, he was on his own all over again.

Seeing Bokuto smiling as everyone congratulated him on graduating hurt so much more then what Akaashi expected it to hurt. It was like someone trying to rip his heart out of his chest. Bokuto'a smile usually calmed him down, then why was that same smile making him want to cry his eyes out for days and days on end? Why was Akaashi feeling like he could never be happy again?

Akaashi couldn't see who was hugging him, he didn't have to, he knew. It was Bokuto. The arms, the faint smell of cinnamon he always has, the way he lifts Akaashi up just a bit above the ground. Akaashi couldn't help but sob even more into Bokuto's shoulder. He felt Bokuto'a hand patting his back. A shaky breath left the bigger man's lips. Both were now sobbing into each other's embrace. Nobody dared disturb them. Everybody felt the connection between the two men. They never brought it up, but there was always something there.

Everyone knew that, everyone except the two of them. All the glances when the other wasn't looking, all the nights spent outside looking at the stars, all the tears, the laughter, the times Akaashi had to cheer Bokuto up in the middle of the game, the times Akaashi smiled because of some dumb joke Bokuto cracked, everything.

They were one soul.

The team looked at the two clueless men and wondered whether they should have told them about their feelings. They probably should've, no, they knew they should've, but something always stopped them. Was it the fear that maybe the two weren't in love with one another or was it the fear of maybe somehow tearing the team apart? No one knows. But maybe it's for the best that they now have to let go.

If they really want it to work out, they'll work for it, they'll find a way. Konoha knows how hurt Akaashi was. Not only was Bokuto, his best friend, leaving but all the third years were. The third years Akaashi had grown to love so much. He felt safe around them, he felt happy, he could smile, laugh, talk about whatever he wanted and no one would judge him. Akaashi was so overwhelmed.

This wasn't the first time someone left him. Only this time it wasn't just someone, it was his friends. His real friends, the people who accept Akaashi for who he is and not for how he looks. The people who were with him through laughter and tears.

The reason behind why he really wanted to play volleyball.

He felt his feet touch the ground again. Meaning Bokuto set him down. The heat coming from the other man's body wasn't there anymore. Akaashi's heart shattered at that feeling. He couldn't stop thinking about everything he ever did with Bokuto. He felt more tears stream down his face, he wanted them to stop but they wouldn't.

"Akaashi, please stop crying, I am begging you. Don't be sad, we'll still see each other! Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean you won't get to see me again.", Bokuto's voice sounded sincere, he really meant all of what he just said. But Akaashi knew Bokuto wouldn't have any time for him, or for anyone else in that matter.

School and volleyball would take up all of his days and he would be exhausted all the time. But Akaashi still loved the fact that Bokuto was trying so hard to make Akaashi smile again. Now if only everything Bokuto told him were true.

All the third years and Akaashi went home together. It was the last time they would ever do it, they all knew it, and no one wanted to say anything to ruin the moment. It was perfect, it really was, the way the sun shone into the train, the way a few cherry blossoms fell from the trees, the streets were quiet, everything was perfect. It was a perfect day to say 'goodbye', but no one wanted to. They all wanted for time to stop so they could all stay like this forever, but that wasn't possible. Soon they would all be so busy they wouldn't even have time to think about each other, they knew it, they just didn't want to accept it.

They sat in a park until it was dark outside, they were enjoying each other's company for one last time. A comfortable quiet filled the night air. The stars were beautiful in the sky. The temperature was perfect, everything was beautiful.

As Akaashi looked up into the sky his eyes started to fill with tears again. The third years saw it but decided not to say anything about it. They all also looked up into to night sky and observed the stars above them.

This was it. That's how it would end. They all got up, didn't exchange a word, hugged and just like that, everyone left to go home. All the boys were melancholic. Tears streaming down their faces, sobs escaping their mouths, this really hurt more then they expected.

But this goodbye must've hurt Akaashi the most.

—

It was cold, so cold outside. Why? It's summer, it should be warm, the sun should be out. The weather should invite everyone outside, it shouldn't be raining. Why's it so cold? For once the weather perfectly represented Akaashi's feelings.

His summer was spent crying in his room, his parents checking in on him every hour, Konoha bringing him ice cream but having to leave soon after, and Akaashi thinking about Bokuto. He didn't even check up on Akaashi once, but he knew why, Bokuto was preparing himself for his first year of Uni, Akaashi was glad Bokuto could study where he wanted to, he was happy for him, he really was. Then why did it hurt so much that he didn't get even of his silly text messages?

Of course, Akaashi could've stepped up and texted Bokuto to check up on him, but he didn't want to disturb him, that makes sense, right?

His parents were concerned about him, the third years were worried about him, and yes, Bokuto was also worried about him. Konoha always told Bokuto when he went to check up on Akaashi because Bokuto was so worked up with school he barely had time to do anything except that. It tore Bokuto's heart knowing how much Akaashi was suffering, and what hurt him even more was that he couldn't be there for his best friend.

Bokuto was doubting himself as a friend, he couldn't even console one of the most important people in his life, no wonder Akaashi wasn't texting him, he must be furious. But that wasn't the case, Akaashi wasn't mad at Bokuto, how could he be? Akaashi missed Bokuto so, so much, if he got the chance to see him again, even if it were just for a few minutes, he would take it, no matter the consequences.

The weather was still melancholic. Akaashi had to get up and get ready for school, great. He would be taking the train alone for the first time in two years, it's going to be weird not having all the third years around him anymore.

His cheeks were still tear stained from last night when he fell asleep crying, it was nothing new for Akaashi anymore, he wasn't able to sleep normally since the day him and Bokuto said goodbye. His parents were also used to seeing their son a complete mess. They knew the reason, just like the third years knew. Maybe Akaashi knew it, too, maybe he just didn't want to accept it, right?

Getting ready took Akaashi three times longer then usual. His movements were slow and clumsy, but he didn't care at all. Volleyball practice today was going to be the most difficult part of the day. He was thinking of dropping the club all together, since he had no reason to play volleyball anymore. Who will he set the ball to, now? Some inexperienced first year? Akaashi would much rather be forced to say goodbye to Bokuto all over again rather then having some lousy first year hit his sets.

—

The train was full, just like every morning, but it felt strangely empty. He saw many kids wearing Fukurodani's uniform, most of them were third years he knew. They waved at him or smiled, Akaashi didn't want to seem rude but his body didn't move, his face stayed emotionless, because if he would've shown any kind of emotion he would've immediately started to break down right then and there, in the train in front of everyone.

The rain was still pouring, the droplets hit the train as it sped to the next station. There were still no traces of the sun, it would probably storm all day long, not like Akaashi minded. The rain somehow calmed him down, although the grayness of it all reminded him Bokuto. Everything Akaashi saw reminded him of the older man. The sky, the little owl keychain that hung on his bag, which Bokuto actually got for him as a gift, his phone background, where the two of them were laughing at Konoha after he accidentally did something stupid, even the time reminded him of Bokuto, it was 09:20 a.m., Bokuto's birthday.

Everything around him brought back memories of Bokuto and Akaashi hated it, he hated it so much, not because he hated Bokuto but because he hated not having him by his side.

The school desks were the same, the chairs were, too, everything was the same, but something felt different. The lesson started and just like that Akaashi was back to his old school routine. The morning passed by surprisingly quickly, Akaashi was grateful that school was able to keep his mind off of Bokuto.

Lunch was a living nightmare. Akaashi almost went down to Bokuto's classroom, almost. What stopped him?

He got a message, secretly Akaashi hoped it was Bokuto, he always did, and always ended up getting disappointed when it wasn't.

[New Message]  
From: Bokuto-San :)  
Hey Hey Hey!!!  
Have a great first day back in school, AKAASHI <3

Akaashi's eyes widened in surprise. He didn't expect Bokuto to text him. He was over the moon, when he saw the message. Bokuto hasn't changed a bit, he still writes hearts at the end of the message and the name all in caps. Akaashi's heart jumped when he recognized Bokuto's name on his phone, it always did. Akaashi knew that wasn't normal.

Akaashi isn't stupid, he isn't oblivious, he knows why he felt the way he felt, he knows it way too well. He thought ignoring it would make the feelings go away, he really believed it would, but they didn't, they only got stronger with every minute that passed. Akaashi hated that he caught feelings for his best friend, he hated that it happened. He didn't want it to be that way, he didn't ask for it, if he could he would forget all about his feelings so he wouldn't be feeling this constant emptiness in his heart. He would do anything so he could have Bokuto by his side, maybe the. he would feel a bit less insane.

He took his phone and answered Bokuto's message, he didn't want to seem rude so he answered it as soon as he finished thinking about his stupid, stupid feelings.

[New message]  
To: Bokuto-San :)  
Thank you, Bokuto-San. Enjoy your day in university :)

Akaashi didn't have the courage to send a heart back, it wasn't like him, anyway. He shut his phone off and put it back into his bag, he wouldn't check it until he comes home, he told himself.

—

The school day rolled by and before Akaashi knew, it was afternoon. Volleyball. Ugh, Akaashi thought. He really wasn't ready to get back into the gym, he didn't want to feel his heart break again, because he knew Bokuto wouldn't be there waiting to spike his sets. His eyes started to fill with tears again. He walked past the gym, into the club room to get changed. A few, now, third years were already there getting changed. They were talking about their summer breaks and what they did. They greeted Akaashi when he came in but didn't try to strike up a conversation since Konoha told them to be careful around him.

The coach greeted everyone and presented the new team members. They seemed nice, but none of them would be able to fill Akaashi's empty heart.

None of them had the passion in their eyes. They looked quite bored, actually. They looked disinterested in what the coach was telling them, he was giving a great speech, and they were all just ignoring him. God, Akaashi really disliked meeting new people, it made him so anxious, but what he hated even more was when someone wasn't respectful to upperclassmen, he didn't like the 'hierarchy' that comes with sports, but you always listen to upperclassmen, no matter what.

And that's exactly where Akaashi snapped. He was yelling and he didn't plan on stopping, he was talking about how disrespectful they were being and about how lucky they are that they can be here. Everyone looked at Akaashi in shock, they didn't expect him to snap at a group of people like this. Akaashi couldn't handle this anymore. His soul was breaking, no, his soul was broken, he fell to his knees, loud sobs escaped his lips, tears flowing down his face, they weren't planning on stopping anytime soon.

Akaashi knew he was rude for interrupting the coach's speech without a real explanation but it just burst out of him. He missed Bokuto so much, it drove him crazy. The coach knew it, the old part of the team knew it, and they saw how much it was hurting Akaashi, it hit him stronger then what they all expected. They didn't want Akaashi to suffer this much but they couldn't call Bokuto to come get him since he was in school, although they were sure he would come here in the blink of an eye if he knew how bad Akaashi is doing without him. They could call Konoha since he would start school two weeks later then everyone else.

That's what they did. Akaashi was still on the floor, he was too weak to walk away. His sobs started to lessen and he was calming down.

He wanted to leave, he wanted to run away and never come back ever again, he wanted to forget his first love forever, well no, he wanted to forget the pain his first love brought with it's self. He loved Bokuto, he really did, he loved everything about him, he loved how he was the complete opposite of himself, he made him more sure of himself, Akaashi would never be able to properly thank Bokuto for it.

He wouldn't see Bokuto again.

This thought was nagging in the back of Akaashi's head, it was there all day, everyday. He started sobbing again, this time even louder then before. Nobody on the team had ever seen him like this, yes, after games Akaashi would cry a bit, but this was different. Bokuto leaving Akaashi's life had a huge impact on him. Nobody knew how Bokuto was holding up but seeing how Akaashi was doing, he probably wasn't doing much better.

It was weird seeing Akaashi so broken. He who would usually contain his feelings well and wouldn't do one thing that might be inappropriate was now sitting on the gym floor having a panic attack about Bokuto leaving him.

The storm outside wasn't helping Akaashi, it also reminded him of Bokuto and how scared of them he was. He would always text him during a storm and ask if he could come over. Of course, Akaashi always came, no matter what or when. Bokuto would always cuddle up next to him and usually he would fall asleep which meant that Akaashi couldn't move so he would also fal asleep and spend the night at Bokuto's. Neither of their parents minded, they actually talked about their sons and their relationship to each other. They also knew there was more than just friendship between the two but never spoke about it with them, maybe that was a mistake because now they had to see them going through a very painful patch of their lives. They didn't tell them anything as they didn't want to ruin their friendship, stupid of them, isn't it?

\---

Akaashi could hear someone walk up to him but didn't bother looking up until he heard a way too familiar voice calling his name. His head shot up without hesitation, his legs were strong again, he slung his arms around the mans body and continued sobbing into his shoulder.

Konoha excused himself for Akaashi, the coach knew how Akaashi felt so he forgave him without a doubt and let Konoha take Akaashi somewhere where he would be able to calm down. The first place he thought of was home, so of course, that's where they went and since Keiji's parents weren't home, they had the house to themselves and Akaashi would be able to cry as loud as he wanted to. Konoha didn't have to ask what his friend was crying about and to be honest he was kind of surprised he didn't get a call earlier in the day. This really was hard on Akaashi.

"Akaashi, you love him, don't you?"

Akaashi didn't dare look Konoha in the eyes, he only started sobbing louder and his face in Konoha's chest. The answer was pretty clear. This really was worse than Konoha thought. He couldn't do much more then being here for Akaashi who needed him more than anything.

And just like this Akaashi spent the next six months. He woke up, he cried, he got ready for school, he cried, he got on the train, at lunch he would hide in the bathroom and cry, he would go to the next lessons and he stopped playing volleyball.

He couldn't stand being in the gym where most of his memories with Bokuto where, so he told the coach he would go back to playing once he is able to stay in the gym without crying but since that hasn't happened yet he wasn't able to play yet.

And maybe that was a good thing. He felt a bit more happy since he stopped playing volleyball, since he now has one less thing in common with Bokuto, who he hasn't seen since the end of last year and who he hasn't texted since the first day if school. He would be lying if he said he didn't miss him, if course he still misses him, but the pain started to slowly fade. Of course, he still felt like crying everyday but he didn't feel so broken to the point where he couldn't breathe in his own anymore. Although sometimes at night his mind flooded with all the memories of Bokuto and then it was hard to fight the tears.

Akaashi was actually also able to smile, kind of, he really tried. He still wasn't happy but he was getting there, he knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading the first part of the story! The second part is going to be up soon! :)  
> I hope you enjoyed this first part!!


End file.
